Introduction Are We Supposed to Hate Our Families? A Biblical Perspective
One of the most perplexing statements made by Jesus in the New Testament appears in Luke 14:26 (NIV):
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.”
On the surface, this statement contradicts the Bible’s command to honor one’s father and mother (Exodus 20:12) and love one another (John 13:34). This creates a confusing narrative for believers trying to balance family love with their devotion to Christ. Are we really supposed to hate our families? This article explores the deeper meaning behind these verses, unpacking their significance within the broader biblical context and addressing whether the Christian faith truly calls for hatred of family members.
Understanding the Context: Jesus’ Call for Radical Discipleship
To understand this troubling statement, we must begin with the context in which Jesus spoke. Luke 14:26 is part of a broader discourse where Jesus outlines the cost of following Him. He consistently emphasized that following Him requires sacrifice, commitment, and prioritizing one’s devotion to God. The statement about hating family members is part of Jesus’ radical call to discipleship, where He stresses the need for total allegiance to God.
The term “hate” in this context doesn’t carry the literal emotional charge of hatred as we understand it today. In biblical times, the word “hate” could be used as a hyperbolic expression to indicate preference or priority. In essence, Jesus says loyalty to Him must surpass even the closest earthly relationships.
What Does the Term “Hate” Really Mean?
The term “hate” used in Luke 14:26 (Greek: μισεῖ, misei) is often understood as a hyperbolic expression that contrasts love and hate, meaning to “love less” rather than to hold malice or disdain. Jesus used this extreme language to emphasize the necessity of prioritizing one’s love for God over the natural affection for family.
In Matthew 10:37, Jesus clarifies the sentiment:
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Here, the term “hate” is better understood as a call to love Christ supremely, even above family members, not as a literal instruction to harbor animosity towards one’s family.
The Biblical Imperative to Love and Honor Family
Before delving further into the meaning of Jesus’ statement, it is essential to remember that the Bible places great emphasis on the importance of family. The fifth commandment in Exodus 20:12 instructs us to honor our parents:
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
In Ephesians 6:1-3, the apostle Paul reiterates this command, showing that obedience to parents is not only a sign of respect but also a commandment with a promise.
The Role of Family in God’s Design
God instituted the family as a vital part of His creation design. In Genesis 1:27-28, God commands Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” and to govern the earth. Family is central to God’s plan for human flourishing, providing love, support, instruction, and nurture. The Bible contains numerous references encouraging familial love, mutual care, and strong bonds between parents and children.
For example, Proverbs 22:6 urges parents to
“train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Additionally, passages such as Colossians 3:20-21 and Ephesians 5:25-29 advocate for healthy, loving relationships within the family structure, emphasizing the importance of respect, love, and care between family members.
Balancing Love for Family with Love for Christ
The Bible’s clear imperative to honor and love our family members makes the statement in Luke 14:26 even more challenging. However, a deeper understanding reveals that Jesus is not asking us to abandon or hate our families. Instead, He is highlighting the necessity of placing God above all else.
Total Allegiance to Christ
Jesus consistently emphasized the cost of following Him. In Matthew 16:24, He said,
“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
This verse, along with Luke 14:26, reinforces the idea that following Christ requires supreme loyalty—even over the dearest of human relationships.
This allegiance doesn’t mean abandoning familial responsibilities or relationships. Rather, it means that Christ takes precedence in every aspect of life. Our identity, purpose, and ultimate loyalty must be rooted in Christ. In situations where family members oppose or discourage faith in Christ, believers must be willing to follow Jesus, even if it leads to tension or rejection by their families.
Jesus’ Own Example of Honoring Family
Even though Jesus called for radical discipleship, He Himself demonstrated love and care for His family. In John 19:26-27, while Jesus was on the cross, He entrusted the care of His mother, Mary, to His disciple John. This act exemplifies His concern for familial responsibilities even in His most painful moment.
Furthermore, Jesus’ relationship with His earthly family was complex. In Matthew 12:46-50, when His family came to see Him while He was teaching, Jesus pointed to His disciples and said,
“Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
In this instance, Jesus was not dismissing His biological family but was expanding the definition of family to include all who follow God.
Loving Family vs. Idolatry of Family
A critical element of understanding Jesus’ teaching on family relationships is recognizing the potential for family to become an idol. When family relationships or the opinions of family members become more important than our relationship with God, they can hinder our spiritual growth.
When Family Becomes an Idol
The Bible warns against anything that takes the place of God in our hearts. Exodus 20:3 says,
“You shall have no other gods before me.”
While family is a gift from God, it can become an idol if it consumes more of our time, attention, and affection than our relationship with God.
This is the heart of Jesus’ teaching in Luke 14:26. He is not advocating hatred toward family members but is warning against allowing any relationship—even one as close as a parent, spouse, or child—to take priority over God.
The Risk of Over-Attachment to Family
Jesus’ radical statement about hating one’s family also addresses the danger of becoming overly attached to family at the expense of faith. Throughout history, there have been numerous examples of individuals who compromised their spiritual beliefs to maintain familial harmony. Jesus warns against this, emphasizing that loyalty to Him must come first, even if it means facing opposition or division within the family.
In Matthew 10:34-36, Jesus states,
“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’”
This passage highlights the fact that allegiance to Christ may cause conflict within families, especially when family members oppose or reject the Christian faith.
Practical Application: How to Balance Family and Faith
Understanding that Jesus does not literally command hatred toward family members but instead calls for prioritizing Him above all, how can Christians navigate family relationships while maintaining devotion to Christ?
Love Your Family Through Christ’s Love
Christians are called to love their families with the same love that Christ has for the church (Ephesians 5:25). This love is sacrificial, unconditional, and selfless. By placing Christ at the center of family relationships, believers can extend His love, grace, and forgiveness to family members, even in challenging circumstances.
Seek God’s Guidance in Family Matters
Prayer and seeking God’s guidance are essential when navigating complex family dynamics, especially when there are tensions between faith and family. James 1:5 promises that God will give wisdom generously to those who ask for it. By seeking God’s wisdom, Christians can find the right balance between loving their family members and remaining faithful to Christ.
Set Boundaries When Necessary
In some cases, following Christ may require setting boundaries with family members who oppose or challenge one’s faith. This does not mean cutting off relationships entirely but rather creating healthy boundaries that protect one’s spiritual well-being. For example, if a family member continually mocks or discourages one’s faith, it may be necessary to limit certain interactions or conversations to maintain peace and spiritual growth.
Be a Witness to Your Family
Even in difficult family relationships, Christians are called to be a light to their families. 1 Peter 3:1-2 encourages wives to win over unbelieving husbands through their godly behavior. Similarly, believers can serve as witnesses to their families by demonstrating Christ’s love, patience, and humility, even in the face of opposition.
Conclusion: The Heart of Jesus’ Teaching
In conclusion, Jesus’ statement in Luke 14:26 is not a call to literally hate our families but a hyperbolic expression emphasizing the supreme importance of following Him. Jesus invites His followers to prioritize their relationship with Him above all else, even the closest human relationships. While family is a gift from God and should be loved and honored, it must never take precedence over our allegiance to Christ.
By understanding the cultural and linguistic context of Jesus’ words, we can see that He is calling us to radical discipleship, where love for God surpasses even the deepest familial bonds. Ultimately, following Christ leads to a deeper, more meaningful love for both God and family—a love that reflects the selfless, sacrificial love of Christ Himself.